When we got to our now deserted guild barracks I showed Trollop my three clues; the note Forst left me, the missing teddy bear and the strangely different map of Orgrimmar. Trollop looked up at me insanely, his lips curled into an insolent and somewhat mocking grin. He made a noise that with my hunter skills I knew at once meant, "am I bothered?" followed by a raise of his eyebrows that added, "I could be bothered if......."
Have I mentioned I hate him?
"You're lazy," I told him. "You do nothing except for reward. Once I find the guild I may .... rationalise the pet situation. That could well mean you." He blinked at me and made the noise again. Sighing, I handed over a stack of Twilight Jasmine I'd been meaning to keep from him. Once he nibbles the stuff he's insane, deranged and drug crazed. He took a big bite.
Suddenly he was off, wiggling his little bottom as he ran, obviously going for cute. I ran after him as fast as I could, which as anyone who's ever raided with me will tell you, isn't very fast, and behind me streamed the other four A-list pets, Lollop, Wiggles, Boggle and of course, Insanity.
The chase ended at the Tauren encampment in the Valley of Wisdom. Trollop was sitting, drooling, on top of the mailbox. He jumped off when he saw me and started scrabbling around as if he was trying to tell me something. I was mystified.
“Squawk,” said Insanity. “Where?” I asked. Lollop put his face in his palm. Wiggles tried ever so subtly to weave Boggle into a cocoon, but the monkey was too quick for him and swung himself up onto the mailbox. Then he jumped up and down. “Ooŏok 'eeķ-e'eek,” he said excitedly, but I couldn't understand him.
“Yes it's a mailbox,” I said, “you're trying to tell me I have mail?” Five pet faces looked hopeful for a moment.
“It's a letter bomb again isn't it? You're all in on it with Mr Chilly.” Unfortunately, when the Mr Chilly cute penguin pets were handed out many years ago, Blizzard screwed up, and I was given the only truly evil Mr Chilly. One by one he has corrupted my pets convinced that with their help he can escape his cage deep in the bottom of my handbag.
“You know I never check my mailbox,” I told them suspiciously. It was too much of a coincidence that all five pets wanted me to look into the mailbox at the same time. I dismissed the lot of them, and as they scampered, scurried and warped away to wherever it is they go when dismissed, I could see them planning a night of debauchery fueled by the Twilight Jasmine that Trollop had tricked out of me so skilfully.