Of Pets and Plots pt 2

Evida's Diary: Day Seven continued

Suddenly there was an excited tweeting from inside my bag. Mr Chilly had been listening the whole time, in his omni-evil way. “You can be quiet,” I said. “Haven’t you done enough?” The tweeting went on, and I realised he had a point. One of his letter bombs would be so much easier. Trollop warped to the bag and drooled on it. “Ok then, what do we need?” I asked, ignoring  four pets angrily telling me it was insane to trust Mr Chilly, and one drooling steadily in the hope that when I opened my bag he’d get at the twilight jasmine inside.
The list was long and detailed: snakes, predictably, from the Overgrowth;  a handful of copper bolts; another handful of copper bolts; a Penguins of the World colouring book with coloured pencils; a pair of scissors; another handful of copper bolts; 20 elementium ore; ice cream; Family-sized bag of deluxe penguin food; more snakes, this time from Northrend; a rabbit; 6 bits of malachite; a copy of Every Penguin’s Bumper Book of Evil Plans; Garrosh Hellscream’s teddy bear; 6 small prismatic shards; 3 Mithril Filigree; an accurate scope; 20 explosive sheep; another handful of copper bolts; a 19 pound catfish; 51 Essence of Destructions; 359 raw fish of any kind; 22 sulfuron ingots; 47 arctic furs; 6 pieces of Ebonweave; 4 Primal Might; 6 Thorns of the Dying Day throwing weapons;  a Nessingwary 4000 gun, and another handful of copper bolts.
“Why on earth do you need all that?” I asked. In reply, there was an emphatic tweet from inside the bag that I took to mean, “Because I’m evil.” “Ok, I said. “we’re just going to have to go back to my original plan, or Boggle’s. We’ll take a vote…….” There was a lot of tweeting from inside the bag with a bit of cheeping in there too. The gist was that he happened to have a letter bomb all ready to go, but in exchange I’d have to let him out of the bag once a week.


 Wiggles was wiggling frantically, which made me shudder and want to step on him, Boggles was shaking his head. Lollop had his face in his palm, Insanity seemed happy, and Trollop drooled, obviously planning a twilight jasmine- fuelled debauch.
“Listen Chills,” I said, trying to sound friendly. “The trouble is, nobody here trusts you.”
From inside my bag Mr Chilly tweeted, “of course you can trust me. You can trust me to be evil, so why not other things too? There is so much I could do for you. You could be Warchief or even Supreme Global Dictator’s Personal Assistant if you stick with me.” It did sound tempting.
“You’re too nice Evida,” tweeted Mr Chilly. “They’re all reading this and laughing. They think it’s funny. It’s time to show them how wrong they are. With my help you can make the others do the washing up and the polishing of the Guild logo, not to mention all the other menial work they make you do. Your father and your brother need to know not to mess with you, and untold wealth, shoes, handbags and fish will be yours. I will nurture the evil within you until you are so totally twisted that nobody will ever dare thwart your plans again, let alone realm-change without telling you. Together, Evida, we will rule the world.”
It was a good plan, but I didn’t want to commit to it without thinking it over. I was so tempted I didn’t even hear the muffled tweet that all he’d need in exchange was my soul, and Forst’s teddy bear.

 

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