Chills and I talked more after I had bedded my disgruntled alpha-pets with the stable master. He'd pointed out to me that I didn't need to be democratic about this decision, adding that as a hunter I had a Blizz-given right to be a total dictator where my pets were concerned.
"You need to think of the advantages of being evil, Evida,” he said. “There are many. Better clothes, better hairstyles, better pets, better minions. The bad guys in WOW always get the best accommodation, plus automatic upgrades of everything that can be automatically upgraded. Plus six things that usually can't."
He had a point about the accommodation. I thought about Kael’thas in Tempest Keep and Daddy's draughty Court of the Sun which he has to sublet to mages and priests in order to heat. Indeed, these days it’s really little more than a corridor for blood elves heading to Undercity and then through a loophole in the coding out into the real real world where they work as actors, and A-though-C-list celebrities. Garrosh’s lair is positively ugly and there's not enough light to read a book by, which is why he's so stupid, I suppose. And that's despite the fact that he's very slightly quite evil. Then take Icecrown Citadel, with its bright and roomy master bedroom, and compare with Cairne's tent thing. Only Sylvannas has a decent power base, but she is ex-evil and still trying to give it up, so probably has dual status.
“You see, Evida,” explained Mr. Chilly, “Blizz does want you to be evil. Good is the aberration. Why do you think they sent me to you?”
“There had to be a reason,” I admitted. Surely a huge corporation like Blizzard couldn’t just have made a mistake.
“Has it occurred to you that you're being prepared for your own expansion after the pandas, the ponies, the penguins and of course, the new fluffy bunny race that they're planning? Can you even imagine the real estate you'll own once you become an end-content boss? Forst thinks it should be him, which is why he's so jealous of you.”
“But Forst's not evil,” I pointed out.
“Exactly,” crowed Mr. Chilly. “That is what will give you the edge.”
“Why do I need you though?” I asked, quite evilly, I thought.
He churpled, an interesting noise half way between a chuckle and a chirp. "Evida, don't think I didn't hear you apologising to all those critters you killed for the guild achievement. True evil in potentia would have laughed, and not a tee hee, lol, rofl, or lmao either. It would have been spine chilling, like this; Mwahahaha-tweet-hahaha-chirp.” Overhead there was a flash of thunder and the heavens opened. The sky went dark for a whole minute.
"Cool," I said.
"I can teach you. The first thing you need to do is replace your pets. They don’t like me and I don’t like them. Ditch them. You can do better. Then, we will dispose of the gnome. Can't abide gnomes. They look too much like psychotic killer penguins and I get so disappointed when I find they're not.”
It was all moving a bit fast for me. There were very important points we hadn’t discussed yet. “I don't know Chills,” I said. “Total evil is a bit drastic. I won't have to change my hair colour will I? I don't want black hair. I'd look like a Goth. Besides, I think I need a little more incentive. A few nice things, some dresses, and maybe some ice cubes to return the ones you stole?” Back when I first received my evil Mr. Chilly, his minions had stolen many, many ice cubes for the ice palace he was constructing. When I locked him in my bag they had all melted, damaging everything in the vicinity, which happened to be Thousand Needles.
Unfortunately ice was a no go, the first stumbling block in our negotiations. Chills explained that to give the ice cubes back would have been a kind act, and would effectively ruin his status as the Supreme Epitome of Evil.
“It's no use, Chills I just don't feel evil. I don't have a thing to wear for an evil persona.” It was true. I couldn’t be evil in the same stuff I was wearing in patch 4.2.
“I see your dilemma, Evi, I really do,” said Chills. “Couldn't you just start with a trial status? If you like it fine, if not you can walk away with no questions asked and no damage to your “pathetically good” rating. I'll even throw in this letter bomb given it's for a gnome. Popping a letter bomb in the WOW postal system isn't generally considered as even partly evil these days. And remember, it's humane, organic and completely eco-friendly, plus you're doing it at the request of a GM. No-one will mind, and you’ll be home with your guild in Draenor. What could possibly go wrong?”
I might have still hesitated but getting the letter bomb was too good an opportunity to miss. “Ok. Trial status it is,” I told him.
As I walked to the post box I was reconciling what I was beginning to see as only a dichotomy in Mr. Chilly's persona; evil yes, but also genius. Genius was good. Genius was very good, so couldn't I just overlook the evil bit? It wasn’t like Chills was Deathwing, or Arthas. And he was Cute and fluffy. That had to count for something, surely?
I quickly popped into the barber shop to see what I’d look like with black hair, ready for my end boss makeover….. it didn’t hurt to know what I was getting into, after all. I scrolled through the hairstyles and found one that I liked in black, but then I wondered, could I be evil with red hair? The resulting options and shades kept me there, happily enjoying my exploration of the options for hours.
