Evida's Diary: Day 9
“Hello Evida, I am XGM Cuddlyheehee. Do you have a moment right now to discuss some concerns that I have?”
“Erm, yes, I guess so,” I said. ”What's an XGM?” It was the same gnome that GM Unspellabull had asked me to kill. I didn’t know what that meant, but I knew it couldn’t be good.
“Extreme Game Master. We're an elite task force that polices GMs and deals with sensitive and often dangerous matters. Think of us as the James Bonds of the game.”
“James Bond? Wasn’t he a minor NPC in Stranglethorn Vale?"“No,” he said, and he didn’t sound a patient gnome. “As such my work is very secret, and I would ask you not to divulge what I will say to anyone, nor write about it in that stupid stream of consciousness diary you keep.”
“Okay,” I stuttered in surprise. When had he been reading my diary? I kept it with me at all times….. unless he was in league with one of the pets perhaps. Trollop could have warped it out and in again in the time I was talking to Mr. Chilly.
“I mean it,” he said. “You’d better not write any of this down.”
“Of course I won't. Do you think I'm an idiot?”
He hesitated in answering that one for just a little too long. Then he continued. “Thank you. It's come to my attention that you were mistakenly sent the Epitome of Evil, Mr Chilly. Although it was never our intention for you to take care of him, I must say I'm surprised and pleased that you've managed to keep him this long without being taken in by any of his scams. Typically he manages to persuade his captors that their life will be better if they follow his advice and become evil. The last one actually sent a letter bomb that Mr. Chilly had made, in clear contravention of the terms of service.”
“What happened to him?” I asked.
“A lifetime ban. Now he has to wander a cold and unforgiving world with no Azeroth and no Outland, and will do so forever. With a limp.”
I glanced down at the letter bomb I was holding, glad that he could only hear me and not see me. Just in case, I held it behind my back.
"It was tragic," he said. "In no time at all the entire realm was so full of penguins we had to shut it down. Many decent characters lost their lives that day. Then it got worse. Mr. Chilly had somehow found a way to collapse matter upon itself. The first we knew about it was the evil laughter and the sky going black.”
“Is that bad?” I asked.
For some reason the XGM sounded surprised. "Well yes," he said. “Matter is what pixels are made of. Imagine if all the pixels that make you suddenly collapsed down into just one.”
“A bit like binge dieting?” I asked.
“No. Not like that at all. It would be bad.”
“How bad?” I asked.
“Very bad,” he said.
“As bad as annoying a monster with a skull on his name tag?”
“Worse. Infinitely worse. The monster would cease to exist.”
“Well that would be good, surely?” There was a silence, a long silence
“Just take my word for it,” he said. “You have managed to avoid any other such incident, and that is impressive, particularly as Mr Chilly appears to have allies in high places at the moment.”
“How high?” I asked.
“I'm sorry. You don't have security clearance. Just take my word for it.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” he asked.
“I didn’t ask what,” I said. “I asked why.”
There was another long silence, but it sounded as if someone in the background had screamed and banged their head on the wall. I’d got to know that sound because Forst always did that after talking to me, or raiding with me, or pvping with me, or anything with me really.
“We believe that Mr. Chilly has managed to infiltrate the ranks of GM,” he said at last. We gather you had a conversation with two GMs very recently, but there appears to be no reference to it in the correspondence logs. Could you tell me about it please?” There was something in his voice that suggested he already knew.
I was faced with a dilemma. I could tell the truth, but I’d be telling the truth to a gnome with a stupid name, which went against my ingrained contempt for all things gnomey. I’d also be making a choice to stay good, and I’d begun to set my heart on a style makeover and my own expansion. But, if Mr. Chilly was lying to me just to get out of my bag…… it wouldn’t be happening anyway. I suddenly felt miserable. If you couldn’t trust the Epitome of Evil, who could you trust? I sighed, this story was getting more twists than a twisty thing.