Evida's Diary: Day 6 (Part two)
I waited a good ten minutes before I was spoken to again. I felt guilty, but it was hardly my fault that the Evil and Loathsome Mr. Chilly they had given me had blown up a GM. I didn’t ask to be given the Epitome of Evil after all. And I had warned him to be careful.
“Hello Evida, I am Game Master Unspellabull. My colleague wanted you to know that your mailbox is now empty. And that your Mr. Chilly is definitely Unspeakably Evil.” At that point I detected a slight but telling tremor in his voice.
“Is anything wrong?” I asked. I knew from experience just how bad a run-in with Mr. Chilly could make you feel.
“It was just awful,” he confided. “One minute he was fine, the next BLAM, BANG, KERSPLUNKK, and SPLATT, and I have no idea how we're going to get all these snakes out of here.”
“There were snakes in the letter bomb?”
“It would appear so.” You had to hand it to Mr. Chilly. His letter bombs just kept getting better and better. Or worse and worse, depending on whether or not it was you who opened the mailbox.
“He probably stole one of my snake traps. I’m so glad I didn't open it.”
“Apart from anything else, it had been a really shitty day,” said GM Unspellabull.
“Tell me about it,” I said, as you do, never meaning it as an invitation.
“When I got up this morning, my girlfriend - she's a gnome - was in a really bad mood and...”
“You're dating a gnome?”
“Er yes.”
“I'm kinda assuming that with that name you're Tauren....”
“Of course,” he mooed.
“Then why are you dating a gnome?”
“They're cute and cuddly.”
“But not hot,” I pointed out.
“No,” he admitted. “Not hot. More, gnomey. Anyway, she was in a really bad mood and then the toaster wouldn't work. First she couldn’t reach it, and then it short-circuited and she got slightly electrocuted, and I laughed.”
“You didn't.” I was betting it was more of a moo.
“I did. Well, all her hair stuck up in the air and it was her own fault for stealing spare parts from the toaster for the horde-killing robot she's been making like forever.”
“Well yes that must have been pretty funny. I thought gnomes were supposed to be good at that sort of stuff.”
“Me too. Then there was some sort of problem with a mammoth traffic jam in Dalaran and I couldn't get a taxi anywhere so I was late here and as I waited I was chatting up this Night Elf…..”
“You were chatting up a Night Elf? What is wrong with you?” the Tauren/Gnome thing was bad enough.
“It was just for practice,” he said hastily. “You're a Blood Elf, right? So you'd know. Is it true that Night Elf females are Hot?”
“Um no, they're too tall and their eyebrows are rubbish.”
“Damn, I wish I'd known that before I started. Anyway, it just happened that this gnome that's been following the girlfriend round like forever was passing by, but I didn't notice on account of him being so short.”
“Let me guess. He told the girlfriend.”
