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Evida's Diary: Day 9 (part 3)

So there I was, in Orgrimmar, with heaps of dead around me, and it was all my fault. On the plus side, Gamon was there among the dead, which served him right. I was hoping there would be no comeback for those who assaulted a GM, but nobody made them attack him, I reasoned. And I was in the clear. I hadn’t even sent my pets in until the fight had already started, so how could I be blamed? Ok, I shouted “get him,” but I might have meant Gamon. Anyway, XGM Cuddlyheehee was a gnome and he manifested in Orgrimmar, so what did he expect? In fact the whole thing was his own fault for being a gnome in the first place.
The gnome thought differently. “Three day ban,” he said.
          “Congratulations,” I said quickly. “You’ve proved yourself, and I now trust you. What did you want me to do?”
“Oh?” he asked. “You think you can get away with disrespecting my authority?”
          “I was testing you. Do you have any idea how often Mr Chilly tries weird stuff like this? Besides, it’s not every gnome who can say he took Orgrimmar single-handed….”
          “There is that,” he said.
          “And it’s not as if I killed you. I hardly fired a shot. Well, not that many, anyway. I was just pretending to try so that the others wouldn’t get downhearted. Just look at recount and you’ll see. Practically-no-damage-at-all-ish.” I glanced at it myself, and for a moment was glad Forst had switched realms. I was hoping that, for the first time, my poor performance at WOW might actually work in my favour. Of course, if he’d checked the combat log he’d also have seen that I was spamming scatter shot, silencing shot and concussive shot. I’d launched traps like there was no tomorrow, and it had looked quite festive for a moment with explosive trap and snakes everywhere. It was just embarrassing that it hadn’t made any difference to the outcome.
It was very depressing and I was glad that the guild hadn’t been here to witness my humiliation. Hopefully they would never know. There was absolutely no way they could ever be allowed to find out that I’d effectively wiped out Orgrimmar Nagrand, single handed. I would keep it a total secret and never, never speak of it again.
          “As an XGM I am skilled at seeing through lies and deceit,” the XGM claimed.
          “Oh good,” I said. “So you can tell I’m telling the truth.” I paused a moment to decide if I was.
          “Ok. I’ll let you off with a warning.”
“Go on then,” I said.
He sighed. “Do you take everything literally?”
“I try.”
“Very well. Don’t do it again. Ever. Or your WOW-playing days will be over.”
I nodded. “Good warning.”
“Give me Mr Chilly,” said the squinty-eyed, gullible, totally over-powered gnome.
          “Not a chance. You said Mr Chilly had destroyed an entire realm when someone else had him. Only I have kept him from his plots, apart from when I confiscated the ice he’d stolen from Margun and it flooded Thousand Needles. And anyway, it’s much prettier now.”
          “You’re an idiot,” he said. “How can you keep him safe? Hand him over.”
          “Sorry. Can’t do that,” I said. “You’re a gnome. You’ll put him in a clockwork prison that will break or explode and then he’ll be out. He’s safe where he is.”
“Yes but what about you?”
“No. You.”
“Oh! You mean me,” I said. “I’ll carry on as always. I guess realm-changing free is out of the question now so I think I’ll be a hermit in the desert. If I can find a hairdresser and a beautician to come to the hovel regularly of course. I wonder if I can arrange void storage for my shoes?”
“I need you to testify before the GMCGNM?”
“What’s that?”
“Just a court we have for this sort of thing.” He winced as he said it.
“What does it stand for? I can’t testify unless I know exactly what it is,” I insisted.
The gnome sighed. “It’s the GM Court of GM Naughty Misdemeanours,” he said gravely, while I sniggered. “Evida, you have to take this seriously. You will be in danger. GM Unspellabull won’t be the only GM desperate to shut you up.”
“Oh I know. GMs are always telling me to shut up and listen. Guild masters too for that matter.”
“You need to understand the gravity of this,” he told me sternly, so I put on what I thought was a suitably serious face. “The Chilly faction could attack at any time to rescue him. Mr Chilly himself will be attempting to aid them from inside your bag, and other sinister and shadowy entities will be trying to destroy you.”
          “That’s just Forst, I said. Sooze always stops him in time by telling him there’s a raid somewhere.”

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